The difference between American English and British English is particularly difficult to spot to non-native speakers, but to us native tongued creatures these differences can be glaringly obvious. Apart from the spelling: ‘color’ for ‘colour’, ‘favorite’ for ‘favourite’ there exists certain different semantic forms that refer to similar meanings.

‘Hey, I like your bangs, there so cool!’ Such statement may provoke stifled responses from your typical British English speaker. A certain difficulty in attempting to discern what exactly is being referred to may be the first point of contestation, swiftly followed for mistaking such innocence for emboldened crassness. What are bangs you say? Is this some kind of secret term you have for ‘certain’ body parts that belong to me? Well, such rationale is not so far from the truth.

For an American to refer to your ‘bangs’ is for them to comment upon your hair. However the term is limited, it cannot extend simply to a shaven head, but must be in reference to a fringe. Why they don’t simply use the word ‘fringe’ is largely mysterious, it succeeds as being one of the many words in British English that can have multiple meanings, which depends largely on context in order for us to discern its correct usage. ‘Fringe’ can refer to the margin, or the ripples being made on the edge of a community, it can also refer to festivals: ‘Edinburgh Fringe’. Examining this word and its American substitute leads us to wonder what the motivations are for coining such terms into language when sufficient terms exist in reference to the object.

Is this replacement an act of creating a unique form of language independent from that of the old colonial foe? Is it a process of assimilation from the colloquial to the standard in the sense of diction? Maybe it is because of the complications that arise from the words multiple usage in varying contexts, this may have lead to the need to use one identifiable term in which to refer to an individuals ‘hair bits’. I might just simply say: ‘Hey, look at my hair that falls sweepingly over my eyes’ but I sense this would not be such an effective topic of conversation. Especially amongst male peers. Down the pub. Whilst watching sport.

The author’s bangs, (on the right)

In England we love game shows. Again, this is not exclusive to our population but I do have to say: we really have been connoisseurs lately.

Deal or No Deal; a cultural phenomenon, not only lead to the resurrection of a television Jesus (with a scarily physical likeness) but also spurned a whole host of translations abroad. Take for example, the sexed up (in more physical way than Alistair Campbell’s dossier) American version. Doing away with the aesthetically distorted members (fat and ugly) of the general populace present in the British version and replacing them with the geometric perfectas of the American supermodel, our transatlantic counterpart oozes all the sex and glam we would come to expect. With this version comes an eccentric, balding gnome who is quite contrary to our own host but who has all the fervency of an excitable American at the gates of BuckingHAM palace.

Then there is the Dutch version and the Japanese and the Nigerian and so on and so forth…. John Fashanu has found work again since Gladiators; the dole office can breathe a sigh of relief. The point I am getting at is that our game shows are becoming a new form of British Imperialism, hell bent on invading the TV sets of those more susceptible victims spread out around the globe.

Look at ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’; the format translated for use in the other countries is crucial to our information gathering subversive agenda. Here, we use it to test the intellect of our closest neighbours, now we’ve detected their stupidity let’s advance and give them a proper old fashioned imperialist education!

- An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George’s Day,” commented the English man. “So we obviously decided to call him George” “That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.”
“That’s incredible, what a coincidence, “said the Irishman. “Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.” 

Not a particularly effective joke, but none the less another of the endless stream of Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes. Why is the Englishman always the most intelligent, the Scotsman the most practical and the Irishman the idiot? I’m not sure, I really can’t discern why the Englishman is depicted in this way other than the tradition in which these jokes continue. The main convention and the way these jokes work is in mocking the scattish traits of the Irishman against the sensibilities of the other two nationals. It’s such a cruel world.  This racist vein continues, and again the Englishman is defended by the absurdity of the depictions of other nationals when we turn to a similar joke:  

 - An Englishman, and American and a Greek were complaining about their stupid wives.
The Englishman says, “my wife saw a sale in the supermarket and bought 50lbs of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer!”
The American guys says, “I got that beat. My wife bought a £60,000 car, and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”
But then the greek says, “no, mine beats that. My wife went on vacation last month with her friends, and took 100 condoms with her, and she doesn’t even have a dick!” 

The Englishman gets off with the lightest punishment once again. Why is it we are always able to avoid being the butt of such jokes? Please come mock us!

I love it! Google Image search Englishness and in comes a terrific image of icons that represent England. Following on from the previous ‘Best Symbols of England’ blog earlier in the week I can’t help but feel I missed some great things, but look a little bit closely at this image and what do you see?

All of these icons may appear particular positive at first sight, but are they really? Look closely and you can see how each image thematically relates to the superior might of our country in terms of empire and warfare. “How does tea?” you may well ask. Well the symbolic nature of tea is long associated with Englishness but if we were to trace its roots more closely we can see its origins on the foreign lands that England ruled over. The importation of tea began in 1660 when our own King Charles II received two ounces, and was essentially exported by two monopolies in China and India. The escalation in tea sales grew during the 1750′s due to the rise in cane sugar importations, because tea with sugar is after all, a lot more sensational. In reflecting back on the origins of tea in our country can we not argue that its place in our society is largely because of our colonial interests?

Now we turn to Henry VIII as I feel the other two icons are fairly self evident in their epitomizing of superior force. Now, Henry VIII, obviously a powerful British figure but what is he really remembered for?  Cutting off the heads of wives, throwing out the pope and fighting various wars with neighbouring countries, need more be said about the origins of these British icons? Is the greatest thing about Englishness our superior force in the world?

The way Japanese people learn English is really quite beautiful. As you can see they are really optimistic about the situations they may encounter in an English speaking country: “take anything you want”. Maybe it is crucial to teach them how to act in the moment of a mugging, I’m sure they would definitely take the time to really think about how to pronounce “spare me my life” properly, it’s just instinctual. I think the songs are sure fire hits; the funky looping beats behind the repetitive chants really cement the teachings in one’s head. I’m going to bed with “I was robbed by two men” echoing in my head. Thanks, YouTube.

So England kick off against Russia tomorrow and there has been an almighty hoo-ha about the conditions our top athletes have to play in, the artificial pitch being the main point of contestation.  Football as our national game – and possibly as some would say national religion, is a hotly contested point of discussion amongst the many social arenas of the nation. It imposes on such a large part of our culture that in some ways to be an English football supporter is a passage to fully fledged citizenship.

What of those in the nation that simply don’t like the game? They fall into a minority sector, rife with prejudicial sentiment and stereotyping occurring on the behalf of their football loving receptors. In some ways these individuals are extradited from the cultural consciousness of the country. This happens due to sports position as one of the single most unifying experiences of identity. In the idea of the nation, and many political theorists ranging from Hobspawm to Anderson contend, the nation must define itself in comparison with the other. This sense of the ‘other’ is a notion borrowed specifically from Edward Said who wrote of it in dividing the attitudes of the colonizing West to its exotic subjects falling outside of the West in terms of their global positioning.  

In many ways the game that will take place tomorrow is an epic battle that resounds so much further than from within the limiting confines of support. If England’s footballers bring us failure, the nation will fail with them. The interconnectedness we feel with these eleven ordinary people bears such an unbelievable weight upon their young shoulders. In many ways it is crucial that they only frame their mindset on winning a game of football, however as a nation we should also remember this fact and avoid using it as a referent in which to match the power of one nation against another, or even further the superiority of one type of people against another.

Following on from the positively deemed images of England we must come to a critique of the stereotypes which may be particularly unfair to the depiction of such a nation.  With good symbols inevitably comes the bad, and with the idea of England being fused into the consciousness’ of many international nationalities there come a series of bad symbolic referents. Here we highlight just some of these and hope to open up debate.

5. Rain

Contrary to popular belief it doesn’t always rain in England. We have some very beautiful seasons of weather, if albeit slightly unpredictable. So rain may be a problem when having to plan outdoor activities, but does it outweigh the delightful surprise of an emerging sun on a cold winter’s day? As residents of England we come to appreciate our sun more, never taking a warm spot of weather for granted.  If we have to sacrifice a lot of rain over the winter months, I say it’s well worth it for every unusually sunny day. The element of surprise is the best of all.

4. Accents

Not everyone from England talks the Queen’s English. We don’t all speak like our news readers, our politicians or like our elitist intelligentsia. This speaks for all countries, to take the monarch as the unifying singular image of a nations people, is a grave mistake to make indeed. Travel nationwide and you will find a wealth of accents and dialects despite our relatively tiny square mileage.

3. Noble Ancestry

“No I don’t know the Queen, nor am I a Lord or Earl!”. Some assumptions can be quite bizarre, to deduce that most English residents; that of a population of sixty million, are somehow related to nobility is a strange one indeed. While there are a varying number of families that bear members with noble titles, to use this stereotype alone, is to be increasingly dismissive of the proletarian working classes who have helped to establish this country over the many hundreds of years.

2. Castle’s

With the perceived ties that each English migrant or tourist has to noble ancestry, there comes the grander assumption that they all must reside within the impenetrable walls of their own abode of grandeur. Whilst castles retain their positions as breathtaking monuments to the medieval age of this country, we must remind others that they are not uniquely ours but that of an architecture rooted deeply in Germanic Europe.

1.  Football Hooligans

Hollywood’s recent spate of football related gang warfare films certainly points to our country as the stronghold of football hooliganism. To some extent this is true and the nation justly deserves such a view, but what of the masses that love the game and are unjustly let down by small minorities of troublemakers? To centre England at the heart of violent sport fanaticism is wholly unfair to the consideration that other countries are justly contributable and even more so dangerous.

Ok, so everyone has stereotypes. We can’t escape them. Now accepting that fact, it is then important to distinguish between what constitutes a ‘good’ stereotype and consequentially what is a ‘bad’. A good stereotype may be something we deem to be a fair representation of that thing we are considering, or alternatively something that has positive connotations. A ‘bad’ on the other hand could be something that is particularly damaging when used to evoke a representation of the topic in question.

Therefore with no further delay, I shall present what I believe to be the top five positive symbols of England and its culture and openly defy anyone who may disagree.

Top Symbols

5.  English Cream Teas

In at five is something that is not particularly national but more so regional. Whoever would have thought that Devonshire clotted cream and a nice little scone would complement the good old English tradition of tea so well? Most English citizens are completely ‘foreign’ to the tea room experience, but I urge all those cream tea virgins to get knocked up with a scone and tea as fast as possible.

4. Red Telephone Boxes

Number four takes us to the most traditional of English or even London images; that of the red telephone box.  Since Edison invented the technology we English invented the style in which to best compliment the cutting edge. Walk the streets of England today and be charmed by their presence, watch as increasing technology fails to kill their presence in the physical landscape of today. I say long live onward the red telephone box!

3. London Taxi’s.

Their patrons may not be so classy, but there is nothing too shabby about the London Taxi. Its dark sleek exterior provides no falsities to the luxurious innards of this tamed beast. Creep inside one, escape from the harshness of a cold winter and cruise the streets of London, there really are no better way to see the sights!

2. Rural Village Life

Your dad might be your brother’s sister, but there is nothing wrong with hailing from the quaint recesses of the English countryside. The thatched cottages, the nosy neighbours, the perfect serene image of the little English village could not be more complimentary to this very nation. Stroll around the cobbled streets,  conference in the village hall,  spread some village gossip, just leave with your dignity intact.

1. The Beatles

I would say the greatest symbol of English culture is probably its biggest cliché. They hail from Liverpool, they play music, they were visionary geniuses, they inspired millions…it has to be The Beatles. You would be an idiot not to know who these guys are.

So that’s it, were over for the time being, but stay tuned for the soon to come ‘Five Worst English Symbols Post’!

After attending a recent standup comedy show which was being filmed for a show called ‘Comedy Blue’ on the Paramount Channel, one comedian’s musings hit me particularly hard. The comedian in question, a Canadian, began to comment on his view of the nationals of two opposing yet strangely similar nations: England and America.

‘I love you English, because you don’t seem to be bothered by anything’: the statement in question, seemed particularly presumptuous on the behalf of the view of someone relatively outside of the culture. However in his comparison there seemed to be a critical point. His point of reference, as already mentioned, were the people of America, in which he argued seemed to care about absolutely all and sundry. ‘It’s refreshing to meet people who simply pick the toppings off of a Pizza they have ordered, rather than harangue the order taker’. The point in question seemed to ring particularly true in my own experience with American people.

I have to agree that these Americans do seem a bothered type, they appear constantly on edge. Insult any part of American culture and you will hear infinite cries of defense from proud nationals that may even be harboring sympathy for the argument in question deep inside. Of course, the hiding place is well submerged; to expose it to other Americans would be as good as committing social suicide. I remember back to the time I was waiting in a bus queue in Miami, someone cut in, and a fight broke out. I couldn’t help but feel that the situation was a major overreaction; everyone boarded the bus less than a few minutes later. 

  ——— (A detailed reconstruction of the scuffle)

So are we English simply a calmer sort, or are we simply less forceful in voicing our irritations? Maybe it is an economical thing; our largely less prevalent class divisions seem to render everyone in a sort of ‘same boat’ situation. In America, a country so diverse, the classes are battling with one another to improve their very situations, in such a tense society, can rash decisions and voiced irritations be something we should be sympathetic toward?

‘I’m opening myself to England’ said the immigrant in a rather profound way. ‘Opening yourself?’ replied his mystified friend. ‘Yes, Opening myself; to it’s culture, it’s language, its charm’.
His friend couldn’t see the point: ‘Why on earth would you want to do that? There’s about as much charm in the English language as there is in a bouquet of worms’.

England. Where exactly is your charm? Is it part of your language? Let’s investigate!
Indeed proclaiming your love in English does sound progressively more romantic than through the language of our German counterparts. “I love you” sounds more touching than ‘ich liebe dich’, but is however less enticing than the ‘j’adore vous’ of our closest neighbours. But to completely write off the potential for charm in our language does seem an inhibited case of folly.

Can we dare say that the English language has the capacity to charm like none other? Let’s turn to our greatest exponent: Shakespeare, who heavily supports such aggrandized statements with the prolific volume of his works. Let’s use ‘The Tempest’ and as Ferdinand turns to Miranda he ushers: “I’ll make you the Queen of Naples’’ , whilst not being a particularly good example of charm in Shakespearean language it does exhibit one plain fact: English charm is based on macho boasting. Boasting which is usually based on complete fabrication. Lies I tell you!

I challenge you to question whether times have changed. Go down to the most foreboding part of your town on a Friday night, listen closely to the gentlemen, and discern carefully how much of the truth you believe is being said. Ok, so we have no proof that that the lager downing lairy sweary young gentleman with tattoos is not an investment banker, but let’s just go with our natural instincts here.