The secondary usages of the Cornish Pasty that you highlight have indeed sown several seeds in my ill working brain:

How about their replacement of bricks and mortar to build a house sturdy enough to withdraw the fervent huffing and puffing of any hungry wolf?

Due to their unfortunate shape how about their use as a substitute to the traditional leather rugby ball? Catching one in the middle of a game would certainly add a little more delight to the players faces, additionally it would justify the length and means (i.e. tearing each other apart) to get to the blasted thing.