10. Your people are always moaning!

(OK, so you should have stayed indoors)

“Oh, it’s raining”, “Oh, now its way too hot”, make up your damn mind’s will you? Its summer, it’s always unpredictable, how long have you lived in this country for? A scorching hot day and it’s all too much for you. We wait for 350 odd days of the year and the one day we do get YOU stay indoors COMPLAINING of the heat, well it sucks to be you indeed!

9. People who buy The Sun

I have nothing against people who buy The Sun. However, those that digest its news and regurgitate it as the most reliable source known to man are indeed those that are particularly grating upon the psyche. The Sun makes 90% of its stories up, but wait, come to think of it, I’ve just made up a bit of a Sun statistic right there.

8. Roundabouts

(Just another day in driver’s paradise!)

What are we but a nation of circum-pathetic people? Can we not grasp the concept of giving way at T-Junctions? Why are there so many roundabouts on our roads? Does our transport board really believe that we enjoy the motion of swaying around all too much? Going around twenty odd roundabouts on a ten minute trip is enough to make me regurgitate not only my stomach, but also atrociously inaccurate facts made up by The Sun.

7. We always lose

(I feel your pain)

Everything we do, we always seem to lose. Can we not be the best at anything? We can’t produce a single good Tennis player, yet Lawn Bowl’s stallions are plenty in abundance. We can’t produce a winning Football team, yet we dominate at sports that no one cares about, like rowing.

6. We drink far too much

(An all too common site on the street’s of “Booze Britain”)

It’s not so much that we drink more than our European neighbours’; it’s more the fact that we lack complete sophistication in doing so. Going into a pub, downing your favourite ale, then acting like a chimpanzee at a coronation ceremony does no justice to the image of our drinking culture. At least teenagers in other countries drink classier beverages like wines or spirits, there’s nothing more distressing than seeing a pissed up teen with an Alco-Pop.

5. Our roadwork’s are done in the day

Any transport department of any government with even half a brain knows that to do road works at the busiest time of day is tantamount to sending car drivers to an early grave. America does them at night, yet we think they’re stupid?

4. Our national lottery winners are always selfish

(Having a whale of a time!)

When was the last time you heard a story about them giving their winning’s away to a good cause? No. Instead they buy mansion’s, piss of their upstanding neighbour’s, wreck their land by churning it up with go-kart tracks, buy loads of booze, fags and drugs and jolly well enjoy the rest of their lives.

3. We don’t have a patron saint

(Come off it Georgie boy, we know you didn’t really slay any dragon)

St. George was an Anatolian or something. Anyway, he wasn’t from England and let’s face it he clearly didn’t slay a dragon. The only slaying he probably did was of a few English rose’s who he promptly boasted to about being a saint. Why must we be lumbered with this foreign liar for a national symbol?

2. The unknown warrior will forever remain unknown

(There’s just no justice in the world)

The Great War hero of WWI buried in Westminster Abbey is never going to get the credit he deserves until he’s given a name. Now, thanks to his anonymity even David Beckham beats him in a list of ‘100 Greatest Britons’: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/100_Greatest_Britons

1. The NHS is still rubbish

(Instills you with confidence doesn’t it?)

Contrary to Michael Moore’s “Sicko” trying to paint a pretty little picture of our national health service, it’s still really crap. You’re waiting for ages even if you have been skewered by a fork in the right testicle. You can also have a nice little superbug to go with it.